Aug 10
26
Past the Point of No Return
The journey ahead is now shorter than the distance I’ve come. Chronologically, anyway; in every other respect, this year is going to be far more taxing than the last. Longer clinicals, tougher coursework, and the rigors of a full-time job are going to make this more than a little hellish, but I got through boot camp, and I can get through this.
As Official Class President, I was asked to give a little pep-talk to the incoming ADN class. All of the instructors were lined up on the wall behind me, so I missed the looks on their faces when the very first thing I told the incoming class to do was get together with fellow classmates and form small groups, so they could start up a crystal methamphetamine lab or a prostitution ring. Books aren’t cheap, after all, and we had to buy almost all of them up front. The rest of the talk seemed to go well (though I think there was a point where I may have said, “You will pray for death, and death will not find you.” I dunno. It’s all a blur now.) I think I was kinda pep-talky, but I don’t know that I’ll be invited back to speak at any more Official Functions.
In other news, babies are cute. I’ve never really been a baby kinda guy, but I did my first clinical rotation through the nursery today, and I’ll be damned if those little buggers aren’t just adorable. Little wrinkly faces and scrunched up hands waving around and tiny little plaintive cries – I can see the appeal. Here’s the best part:
You can pick them up with, like, one hand!
I bet they don’t even make baby bariatric beds. You’ll never see a nursery order for “Up to chair BID, w/ assist x6“, you’ll never have to wipe curdled cheese out from between a baby’s back flaps, and you’ll never have to wheel in a damned hydraulic lift to get a baby back into bed. I doubt the word “pannus” has ever been charted in conjunction with a baby.
While working with babies today, I’ve got to admit that I did get a little tug on these rusty old heartstrings that I honestly wasn’t expecting. I don’t think the nursery is in my future, though. I don’t want it badly enough to claw my way past a thousand fresh little 19-year old graduate nurses with sparkly eyes, all of them named some variant spelling of Brittnee, and all of them just dying to work with babies. Watching the nursing students attack the sign-up sheet for nursery PCT jobs was like watching zombies throw themselves repeatedly against the mall’s glass doors, and I want no part of that.
No, thank you. I’ll stay on my tele floor.
Chronically-broken hearts are more my style, anyway.
Aug 10
11
Public Service Announcement:
Aug 10
1
A.D.D. + Music + Youtube
= wall of text with many links.
I went to hang out with some friends and listen to a band tonight. They played a song that I had totally forgotten about, and my dear friend posted a link to it on her Facebook page when she got home. Listening to that reminded me of another song that I hadn’t heard in forever, so I went looking for it, too. I thought the guitar player on the right (edit: Charlie Sexton) looked like the coolest motherf on the planet. I still think so, actually. That page, for some ungodly reason, also had a link to this, which is pretty much one of the most amazing things ever. While noodling around looking at those, I went looking for another song that the band played, because it reminds me pleasantly of my high school sweetheart, and it’s one of those songs that always makes me happy. I was thinking I might learn to play it on the guitar. We’ll see. While chatting with the aforementioned friend on the little Facebook messagey thing, I mentioned that I am a member in good standing of the degenerate elite, and that led me to this video, which was made during the tour that I saw. THAT video made me go look at this one, and that page had a link to this song. The video has not aged well, but I was quite taken with it when I was high school. In retrospect, I think it just might be partly responsible for my endless fascination with spooky girls*. The Shakespeare’s Sister video reminded me of an Offspring song that I have always loved but do not actually have a copy of, and for which I hadn’t seen the video (spoiler: it’s really, really late-90′s.) Then we got to talking for some reason about singing along with songs, which reminded me that I needed to look up the best drive-and-sing-along band of all time. OF ALL TIME!
Then I wrote this post.
Then I went to bed.
* In fairness, I was also quite taken by this video, yet I didn’t develop the same endless fascination with scandalous rap ho’s, so who knows? (It’s the 2 Live Crew, Mom, DO NOT click that link.)
Jul 10
31
I Have Met a Girl
I’ve been single for a while now. It’s been weighing heavily on me this month, but I think things are about to turn the corner.
I met a girl.
She works on my floor, just a little ways down the hall. She always greets me warmly, and I find myself looking forward eagerly to my next chance to slip in and visit her for a minute or two. Seeing her always perks me up and gives me a little lift. To be honest, I probably see a little more of her than I should, but nobody’s said anything so far, so I guess it’s okay.
She’s smoking hot, and she’s got kind of a dark edge that makes me think maybe there’s some bitterness under the surface waiting to come out. She’s always sweet to me, however, and our time together is always really stimulating.
She’s got kind of an odd first name – I think maybe it’s European or something. Anyway, here’s her picture. Seeing her always puts a smile on my face:
Isn’t she beautiful?
In other news, the national licensure exam for nurses is called the NCLEX. It’s a pretty big deal, and not a cakewalk. So, to help prepare us for it, my school has some kind of connection to a testing company that’s supposed to help evaluate us and let us know where we stand. The summer semester is winding down, and we took two of those tests today. They were only 10 percent of our grade, but I was a little worried about them. (Mostly because I’ve been terribly busy with school, work, and bouts of angsty self-loathing, so I didn’t do a lot of preparation.)
The first test was RN Mental Health, and I did really well on it. I knew a lot of it from my courses this summer, of course, but there was also a lot of it that I knew from personal experience. I felt like the Slumdog Millionaire of crazy.
The other test was RN Pharmacology, which scared the hell out of me. I learned most of my pharm last semester in marathon cramming sessions. They got me through the tests, but they’re hardly conducive to long-term learning. I read every page, did every assignment and did reasonably well on every test, but drugs are slippery things – I feel like I don’t know anything. They sound alike, the side effects run together, all the details get lost and swirled. Until you start working with them directly, the names are as incomprehensible and foreign as city names in Mongolia, and it has been a long time since I looked at that stuff. So, I didn’t do as well on the pharm as I did on the mental health bit, but I am still “fairly certain to meet NCLEX-RN standards in this content area.” I can live with that, for now; the NCLEX review study group should be starting up soon, so we’ll hit it hard there.
Subject change: Music
All of my music is laden and leaden and loaded with burdens. Everything I listen to is weary with cares. Time to branch out.
I’ve never done much in the way of rap music, so I thought I’d give that a whirl. Here’s my new Pandora station, “YYYYEAAAHHHH!!!!” (You have to imagine Lil’ Jon saying it.) I was gonna call it “Pissed Off Black Guys Cussing About Women and Guns,” but that seemed a little unwieldy.
Here’s an odd thing that popped up on my station:
Someone mashed up Jay Z and Linkin Park. That is a thing.
I still tend to think that the only people who read my blog are the handful of medical incredibloggers kind enough to toss me pity links, my dog*, and my mom**. When I find out that someone reads my blog, I get red-faced and stammery – like I just got caught staring at the underwear pages of the Sears Catalog. I had a moment of terrible awkwardness last week when Hot Girl told me that she reads this (and, of course, recognized herself,) and I felt a little flush of embarrassment when my whiny post about my whiny life yielded a letter from “K***.”
The awkwardness of learning that someone actually reads what I write was immediately swept away by a raging torrent of whitewater awesome**** thundering down from the mountains of Valhalla.
K brought me a gift.
It’s better than I could have possibly imagined. 2:05 – 2:10! 2:05 – 2:10!!!!!!
Thanks to everyone who sent good will. I’m feeling much better.
* He only reads it because I give him pizza crusts in exchange for proofreading. I have to whack him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper when he misses a run-on sentence.
** Hi, Mom!
*** It turns out that “K” has a blog. I don’t want to link to it, because it’s better than mine in every way, but I guess I’ll stick out my lip and scuff my sneakers on the floor and go ahead and send you there: Nursebound*****.
**** I know it’s passe to make “awesome” a noun. I don’t care. I still have a jeans jacket with a Def Leppard back patch.
***** Please note my continued dedication to professionalism******.
****** This blog post was made possible through the generous support of our sponsors: House of Leaves and Infinite Jest.
Me Cam!
(Updated every 15 seconds whenever I've got the camera turned on.)
